the first time was august 14th, 2003. it was 7 weeks and 1 day old. the second time was february 9th, 2005; 6 weeks and 6 days.
i had to doublecheck to make sure i had the dates right. that makes me happy. it makes me feel like i am really moving forward.
today when i was looking for my social security card in the box where you keep all of our birth certificates and passports and things, i found a sheet, to register one of the boys' birth certificates. there was a question: "number of prior pregnancies that ended in miscarriage." 1. "when." 1987. "number of prior pregnancies that ended in abortion." 2.
i want to ask you about it. i want to ask you what it was like for you. i want to ask you how old you were, who you were with. did you love them? before? after, still? i want to ask you why, when i finally told you, why you didn't tell me, too. are you going to tell me? ever? i don't want to ask you because i want you to tell me.
i want to know if you had me because you couldn't bear to have another abortion. i want to know if you had me because after the two, you felt ready.
i want to know if you felt what i felt, if you felt what i'm feeling.
i want you to know that i know
(, and that i love you)
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