writings about
walking around
the prom
moving forward

well, inevitably the dog days of summer would come around and when those times come around, me, jonah and Jacob and Ben would take off with no parituclar clue, idea, destination wandering into the streets, the backalleys that went on and on and would spread out into intersections and blocks. sometimes we would get so bored that I craned my neck up to the sky and with my arms spread out, i swerved from left to the right, the right to the left, from the concrete cracked sidewalk into freshly prumed lawns and then back on to the sidewalk again and then onto the beveled edges of the sidewalk - sometimes when i am not paying attention, staring onto the sky, i might just fall off the edge - but luckily everytime i did that, my heart jumps as my imaginary plane stumbled down and soon i found myself standing on a empty road with no cars and with perfect silence and Ben, Jacob, Jonah in the far distant, walking on. And then i have to catch up with them - i always walked with jonah while ben and jacob walked real slow because i felt that we always had something to say, something to think about, whether we were walking down the shady oak leaves covered Orange Street, the simmering Nickels Street with the blinding sunlight obscuring the short two-story townhouses, melting their molten-black roofs, crossing the street between east rock high school and the yale chemistry castle with the traffic lights hung over our head switching from red to green (green to red?) - not that it mattered nor that we have taken notice - its just that me and Jonah had to pore over every details every nonny-cranny of our sensory input, field of vision, every rays of light, every fallen petals from roadside makeshift gardens, every blown feathery seeds of dandelions in the wind.
And it was on a typical hot oppressive and sticky summer day that we were going out on our usual wondering around, jonah had suddenly turned to me while we were walking to announce that he had changed. "You know what?" he said after a long pause after our conversation about the latest film that we saw, Face Off, "paul, i think i have changed," he declared. "i mean, i have been sleeping later and later lately, i've become restless rolling around in my bed - i just cannot fall asleep - I am dreaming less - I just roll back and forth in my bed - I am eating less, i get more excited at night" - that's when jonah started to shout at the top of his loungs, he sped up his pace and ran ahead of me and turned back to me while still walking backwards, saying, "I-I have been feeling light-headed, dizzy, sometimes I feel nauscious, like I am gonna throw up, i don't dream any more," he repeated, "i am - i am turning into an adult," jonah said. we were walking into the intersection between orange street and highland street and by then, i was at loss to find words to respond to what jonah had just said. he was breathless and didn't wait for me to catch up before he ran across the white striped crosswalk across orange street, jonah was so exasperated that he didn't even bother looking both ways. but i remembered what my mom had told me and understood perfectly the time she whispered into my ear, standing on the edge between the sidewalk and the crosroad, i remembered perfectly her concerned contorted facial features that was crumpled up into distinct creases that reminded me then the white stripes of the road, "wait first and then look both ways before you cross the road." i envisioned i imagined then the sensation that you would feel after being thrown up against the windshield of a speeding car are those contorted creases crumpled up on my mom's large forehead.
Paul, 06/01/04

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