i went to the thrift store and bought an old tux and a pair of old dress shoes,
then went to the hardware store down the street
and bought two lantern batteries and a string of Christmas lights,
on sale due to their unseasonal presence on the shelf.
i went home and poked small holes into the jacket, all over,
i sewed the string of lights into the inside of the jacket
with the little bulbs poking out through the holes.
i ran them down the sides of the pants
and ran the wires into the shoes and through tiny holes to the soles.
i strapped the lantern batteries, one each, to the bottoms of the shoes
and ran the wires through the soles of the shoes and attached them to the batteries.
i now had a suit covered in blinking lights
and what appeared to be serious, Frankenstein-esque platform shoes.
and i looked at myself in the mirror...
...and i decided that i didn't want to be noticed that night.
...i decided that such a spectacle would be wasted on the elitist idiots in my class.
so i took it all off
and i wore a plain suit coat and nice pants, with nice black dress shoes,
to my prom. and i was ignored, just as i always had been.
and i drifted around the ball room bored,
and carved "Fnord" into the side of a giant swan
that was the ice sculpture centerpiece.
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